Hi everyone! I haven’t done a more personal post since…well…a month ago maybe? Woops.
But a lot of things have happened since then! For instance, I joined a research group! Wooo! As of November 2nd, I have officially become a graduate researcher. I even have a small project right now which involves looking at old data and confirming trends seen in Houston in order to try and compare it to what happens here in So. Cal…or at least that’s what I understood when it was explained to me. It has thus far involved reading papers I don’t really understand deeply enough and learning MATLAB which is a whole obstacle on its own…(No prior software experience except for LaTex.) I also now spend my days plotting random variables together to see if anything makes sense. Or, at least I would if I even knew what made sense in the first place…
Heh. Well this post isn’t off to a good start, huh?
Truth is I don’t really know what I’m doing… And, everyone keeps telling me that this is normal. To be clueless. To be confused. To feel incompetent. To be annoyed and restless that this career thing I’ve started doesn’t just take off immediately and I haven’t miraculously stumbled upon a Nobel Prize winning dissertation topic.. Ugh. I know deep down they’re right, but it’s hard to not get discouraged and sad and frustrated at life when it seems to be moving at a damn snails pace! I mean seriously, I’ve only just recently passed the halfway point of the first quarter! Like, what??? I’ve been here forever!
Regardless of this wild rollercoaster though, I do feel as if I’m slowly becoming a whole new person! Someone wiser and more sure of themselves. Someone who can more easily adapt to anything life throws. Because, I mean, what can be harder then getting through grad school? Heh. Heh. Heh. But like all things, it’s a process. And I need to keep reminding myself that of course that 3+ year grad student is going to seem smarter and much more competent than I am. After all, they’re (literally) years ahead of me in terms of experience!
Eh, I guess the point I am trying to make besides venting is to provide some hope for those who are in weird transitions in their lives. Whether you’re just diving into research or submitting those terrifying applications to internships and grad schools, it’s perfectly normal to be scared and unsure. It’s even normal to want to quit and run away! However, you know how people say money is the root of all evil? It’s not. Fear is. Because what kills more opportunities then fear and doubt?
So, hang on there, loves! We can only get wiser from here! Good luck!