Hi! Did you miss me? I missed you!
I know I promised I’d come back months ago, but apparently my life had a different plan for me and everything just got waaaay too busy. You’ll forgive me, right? 😦
So, this blog post is going to be split into two (three?) parts. If you want to get an update on my life (complete with pictures) and know what I’m thinking about the future of this blog, just keep on reading. I even put subtitles for your convenience! However, if you want to just skip to my attempt to make fun of my field experience, you can skip to my fourth edition of Lessons from the Field by clicking here. And if you want to see the previous three posts from this series or anything else about my research, you can check that out here. Continue reading
Oh hello there! I just thought I’d stop by and remind everyone that I still exist. Hope the new year is treating everyone well!
The last time I was here I was freaking out about my upcoming candidacy exam. Well, I’m happy to announce that I passed! 😀 I am officially a PhD candidate! And, I also have the great news of announcing that I won an NSF fellowship too! 😀 It’s a pretty good month if I don’t say so myself. Now if only my instrument and data would agree and give me nice results. O:
Anyway, as I’m trying to get back into the swing of things, my posting schedule may be a little bit hectic. I’m hoping that I’ll get an actual blog post up by next week talking about some of the grad school pro tips I’ve accumulated across this crazy adventure. I am also planning to talk about proposal writing, literature reviews, how to make a good powerpoint for a science talk and how to create a great NSF application packet!
Any objections? Or anything in particular you want me to talk about? Let me know! I hope to be back to (non-academic) writing soon enough.
*waves* Hi there! And happy holidays to whoever is celebrating them!
It has come to another point in my life where I must throw in the towel and take a short hiatus from blog writing. Which, honestly, makes me really sad. Because this blog is something I take a lot of pride in and it’s become something I look forward to doing during the week! But lately, it’s been a bit difficult to write up quality posts on a weekly basis, while also keeping up with all the other things going on in my life right now. So, rather than forcing myself to churn out weekly material, I figured it was time for a break and for me to focus on, oh I don’t know, passing my candidacy exam.
I was warned, even before I started grad school, that there will be at least one point during my five-year PhD where I would get stuck. It might be because a key experiment won’t work for weeks on end or the data I manage to get simply isn’t adding up—whatever it was it would be a very obnoxious rough patch and getting over it definitely wouldn’t be easy. In fact, I might find myself even tempted to quit.
But young, naïve little Krystal kind of just shrugged off the thought. That won’t happen to me, I assured myself. Besides, even if it does, I’ll get over it because I’m doing what I love! That’ll be enough to pull me through, right? I just have to keep the end goal in mind! Right?
So I had an entirely different plan for a blog post this week. But after everything that has happened with the US elections, I really can’t offer much useful advice right now on stuff related to academia. So, sorry for that. I feel bad, especially after missing last week…If it’s any consolation, I will say that I have quite a few drafts right now on topics ranging from burn out to lit reviews to how to take tests, so look forward to that? Also, if you have anything you want me to talk about, let me know and I’ll do my best!
Anyway, one of the many things that this election means is the possibility of cuts on science funding—especially to the important agencies that support, fund and research topics in climate science. If you’ve happened to ventured onto my research tab or professional website, you’d find that my graduate research is in the field of atmospheric chemistry which happens to indirectly deal with the current and future effects of climate change. So, among all the other ways that this election has/will affect me (as a minority woman born from a family of immigrants), it’s just the cherry on top to find out that our president-to-be is already working on “restructuring” climate policies (read: getting rid of them completely… *sigh* Can we…just have a moment of silence…).
Recently, a few people asked me on Tumblr what I keep in my office or how they can step up their “cubicle-game,” as someone so hilariously called it. Well, I’m not in any cubicle, but I am very happy to answer this question since I’m one of those people that is greatly effected by my work environment. So, to show you guys all the tidbits and trinkets I surround myself with, I have taken the challenge of sneakily taking pictures of my (shared) office space without looking like a complete weirdo! I was…only mildly successful, but since that’s besides the point, on with the show! 😀 (Warning, this is a very picture and link heavy post. You have been warned.)
First off, let’s get an overview of my office, which is basically an open room with three desks set up on each side, as shown. Everyone gets a shelf, a bulletin board wall and a filing cabinet. My place is by the window because I love natural light, so if you have a choice on seating placement, keep that in mind. Here’s my office:
The school year has officially started! Well, actually, it started last week…but who’s counting, really… As, I did one of these last year and thought it would be nice to carry on the tradition of showcasing the mysteries my backpack holds! (Read: I actually have a lot to do and someone had already requested this post so this was the easy way out. I’m sorry! D: I’ll have cooler posts after fellowship season is over.)
Regardless of the reason I’m writing this, I hope you enjoy! Let’s get on with the show, shall we?
Another personal post? What is this? I guess I just have a lot of feelings going into my second year which apparently get written out at 2 AM when I’m home alone (which means this was written last week. So hello from past Krystal!) Don’t worry! There are some tips at the end and if you don’t want to read through all the narrative, feel free to skip straight there.
I’ve been feeling a giant lack of motivation lately in just about everything in my life. And this is bad…because I feel like I have a lot to do. I have to write. I have to figure out the next step in lab. I have to figure out what the hell this pile of data means. I have to sort of, kind of start thinking about candidacy. And I have to appear like I’ve made some sort of progress before I have a meeting with my boss in October. Yikes! It’s gotten to the point where I feel that if I keep feeling unmotivated like this–if i keep procrastinating–everything is just going to go to pure…shit, for lack of a better word. And shit is not what I want in my life right now. So, in a desperate effort, I’ve been trying to pinpoint the reason for all these negative feelings (and by pinpoint I mean lying on the floor, blasting angsty music in my hears wondering why the world hates me) and I think that I’ve finally narrowed it down.
I feel stuck and I don’t know why.
Everything is telling me that I should be having the time of my life.
I’m going to my dream grad school. I’m working in a discipline that I love. I’ve successfully survived my first year. And terms such as “intelligent”, “smart” and “successful” have been used to describe me–to describe my life. I mean, I suppose if I were to look at my CV I could maybe shrug in agreement…
But I don’t feel it.
I don’t see it.
And here I am… Stuck. Anxious. In a rut. And scared that my life has been a horrible mistake. That I don’t really belong here. That I’m an imposter.
I made a request a week ago for blog posts ideas, and this was one that made me extremely excited to write because I struggle with this all the time. In fact, when I went to a therapist to deal with anxiety issues, this was probably the number one things that was talked about during our sessions.
What was the question?